It is so hard to talk about my life, because you need to open up a
part of yourself, a part that most people would not want to reveal, or
be able to.
As a child I struggled a lot. My father was an alcoholic and he
physically abused my mother. And when he wasn't beating mum, he was
beating me. I was a child that was very lost, struggling. I was also
sexually abused.
So, I comfort ate. In order to deal with the trauma, I would have a
bar of chocolate. I would go to my room and even though I was going
through those emotions, feelings and pain, I would eat my bar of
chocolate and feel a bit of comfort.
I was also gaining weight, and wondering what was actually going on
with me. My brothers were slim and athletic, and we all ate the same
breakfast, dinner and snacks. The one thing I did differently was to
eat chocolate for comfort.
Fast-forward to my life as a 28-year-old, 180-kilo mum with a lot of
abdominal fat...
In the morning I would wake up and pull a muscle in my side as I
turned in the bed. So, I would try to lift my tummy over as I turned.
And I'd be thinking: Do I have the underwear that will make me look at
least a bit more decent? Or I'd think: The doctors want to measure me
and look at the skin folds, and the infections.
In the shower, I had to take the shower door off, because I
physically did not fit into the cubicle. Then I'd lift skin fold after
skin fold and clean out the infection, both the look of it and the smell.
“I went to my doctor and, thankfully, I did get bariatric surgery. I
lost over 90 kilos, which was half my weight. It was the best thing
ever. I just thought: Oh my God, I have a life now.”
When I lost my weight, I became the first plus-size model in Ireland
and wrote a book about empowering women to feel good about themselves.
Because at the end of the day, no matter what size you are, you
deserve to get up in the morning and look in the mirror and feel good
about yourself. You deserve to wear clothes that fit you.
I am now 13 years post-surgery.
I still have obesity and have regained 25 kilos. I go to the gym a
lot, and I'm healthy in what I eat because the surgery means I can
only eat very small portions of food. Most of my diet contains fruit,
nuts, vegetables and high protein. I meditate in the mornings and I do
yoga. I am quite healthy.
So I look at it this way: you have beaten yourself up too much, and
you have hated yourself and allowed yourself to say things you would
not allow others to say. The change needs to start with you loving
yourself. You have to start appreciating yourself, no matter what size
or weight you are. When you are in a positive mindset, you can begin
to make the small changes in life to tackle the disease of obesity and
start feeling so much better.